Posts Tagged ‘Claudio Fragasso’

They got me!

Whoa. This one plays fast a loose with things like plot, continuity, and sense. It is in fact, horrible with no schlocky irony intended. It is just baaaaaad. Almost a waste of time, but not unwatchable. Which, I guess, means something. Because there are truly unwatchable movies, that even I have turned off in disgust or frustration.

There is some back story about a voodoo priest performing a silly ritual in the basement with a dancing over-bite drooling dead woman, a cancer research team that shoots the place up, then flees into the jungle. A little girl somehow escapes with the help of some talisman her mother gives her.

Then something else happens. A team of idiots venture into a jungle cave that is clearly a set of demonic activity, candles flicker on by themselves. Etc. They, of course, find book that emits a green light when it is opened. Clearly, this means that the book should be read aloud. A hole to hell appears and everyone gets munched. Which is fine, those three were highly annoying.

A boat filled with squishy muscle and toothless mercenaries zooms down a river. The blonde woman who is with them, clearly, is the little girl who somehow survived. She knows somethings for some reason – such as a room full of candles needs to stay lit, which it doesn’t.

Then the zombies are everywhere. Mostly flying through the air and dropping out of the rafters. The mercenaries last longer than they should really, being a bunch of terrible losers. There is something about zombies shooting guns at one point, maybe, too? I can’t remember.

The ending is silly and ultimately everyone gets eaten. Which is something of a relief considering how annoying and bad all the actors were in this movie. Its really bottom of the barrel zombie movie making here. In fact, the majority of the zombies do not even have to have makeup or masks on since they are covered in funeral scarves. Convenient for a no budget z-grade movie.



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