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All the Movies 2016

Movies 2016

JANUARY
Yojimbo (1961)
Electric Boogaloo: the Wild, Untold Story of Cannon Films (2014)
Hideous (1997)
Mr. Majestyk (1974)
Best of Enemies: Buckley v Vidal (2015)
Paranormal Activity: Ghost Dimension (2015)
The Walk (2015)
The Brainiaic (1962)
Idiocracy (2006)
Samurai Rebellion (1967)

FEBURARY
Mandroid (1993)
Z Nation Season 1 (2014)
The Martian (2015)

MARCH
Zootopia (2016)
Bone Tomahawk (2015)
Crimson Peak (2015)
Pieces (1982)
Asylum Blackout (2011)
Deadly Spawn (1983)
Peanuts Movie (2015)

APRIL
Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (2015)
Son of Batman (2014)
Evil Spawn (1987)
Slaughter High (1986)
Private Parts (1972)
Avengers Confidential: Black Widow and Punisher (2014)
It Follows (2015)
Frankenhooker
Night Creature (1977)
Manborg (2011)
Archer Season 5
Kiss of the Tarantula (1976)
Brain Damage (1988)
Unnamable II (1993)
Hell and Back (2015)
Dead Pigeon on Beethoven Street (1973)
Basket Case 2 (1990)

MAY
Class of 1984 (1982)
Changeling (1979)
Snuff (1976)
Seed People (1992)
Madhouse a/k/a And When She Was Bad (1981)
Wormwood: Road of the Dead (2014)
Deadpool (2016)

JUNE
Night of the Skull (1976)
The Hollows (2015)
Danger Mouse (2015)
Evil Face (1974)
last house on the Beach (1978)
Virgin Among the Living Dead (1973)
Deathdream aka Dead of Night (1974)
May God Forgive you…But I Won’t (1968)

JULY
Massacre Time a/k/a The Brute and the Beast (1966)
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (2015)
Black Roses (1988)
The VVitch (2016)
Wild and the Dirty (1968)
Horror Planet a/k/a Insemenoid (1982)
Amok Train (1989)
Evilspeak (1982)
Ash V. Evil Dead season 1 (2016)
Bloodsuckers from Outer Space (1984)
Salem’s Lot (1979)
Star Crystal (1986)

AUGUST
the Gate (1987)
The Boy (2016)
Keanu (2016)
Stranger Things (2016)

SEPTEMBER
The Forest (1982)
Lost Soul: Doomed Journey of Richard Stanley’s Island of Dr. Monroeu (2014)
Kubo and the Two Strings (2016)
Children of the Living Dead (2001)
Green Room (2016)
Black Candles (1982)
Evil Eye (1975)

OCTOBER
Game of Thrones Season 1
Dead End Drive-In (1986)
Dead Next Door (1986)
Conjuring 2 (2016)
Night Visitor (1989)
Baby’s Room (2006)
Shin Godzilla (2016)
To Let (2006)
Game of Thrones Season 2
Night of the Demons 2 (1996)
Prom Night (1980)
Rock and Roll Nightmare (1987)
Game of Thrones Season 3
Dont Go In The House (1979)

NOVEMBER
Ghoulies (1984)
Big Trouble in Little China (1986)
Arrival (2016)
Ghoulies II (1988)
Game of Thrones Season 4
Dark Night of the Scarecrow (1981)
Class of 1999 (1990)
Sleepaway Camp (1982)
John Russo’s Midnight (1982)

DECEMBER
Batman Killing Joke (2016)
Legacy of Satan (1974)
Sleepaway Camp II Unhappy Campers (1988)
Krampus (2015)
Varrow Mission aka Teen Alien (1978)
Blood Mania (1970)
Game of Thrones Season 5
Shut Eye Season 1
Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland (1989)
I am not a Serial Killer (2016)

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All the Movies 2014

MOVIES 2014
January
Scalps (1983)
Hansel and Gretel Witch Hunters (2013)
Blackfish (2013)
Tale of Zatoichi (1962)
House Of Cards Season 1 (2013)
February
Zatoichi V. the One Armed Swordsman (1971)
An Idiot Abroad Seasons 1 & 2 (2010-11)
House of Cards Season 2 (2014)
Bushido: The Cruel Code of the Samurai (1963)
March
Toolbox Murders (1978)
John Mulaney New in Town (2012)
Oldboy (2003)
Someone is Watching Me (1978)
Magic (1978)
Top of the Lake (2013)
MAY
Zatoichi Vol. 6 Chest of Gold (1968)
Night of the Creeps (1986)
Beast in the Cellar (1970)
Godzilla (2014)
Archer Season 4 (2013)
The Possession (2012)
Dawn Of The Dead (1978)
Paranormal Activity 2 (2010)
Fargo (1996)
Paranormal Activity 3 (2011)
She Wolves of the Wasteland (1987)
JUNE
Circus of Fear (1966)
Paranormal Activity 4 (2012)
Chillers (1987)
Exorcism of Emily Rose (2005)
No Country for Old Men (2001)
Sadistic Baron Von Klaus (1968)
Fargo TV Series (2014)
House of the Damned (1966)
Blood Suckers (1970)
VHS (2012)
Fargo (1996)
VHS 2 (2013)
From Beyond the Grave (1973)
The Flesh and the Fiend (1960)
JULY
True Detective (2014)
The Sleeping Car (1990)
ParaNorman (2012)
Assault on Precinct 13 (1976)
Orange is the New Black
I Monster (1973)
Last Exorcism (2010)
Hellgate (1989)
The Raid 2 (20123)
The Big Caper (1957)
Ernest and Celestine (2012)
Visiting Hours (1982)
Raid 2 (2014)
Bad Words (2013)
AUGUST
Jorodowsky’s Dune (2013)
Dr. Olaf’s Monster (1967)
Occulus (2014)
Snowpiercer (2014)
The Unknown Known (2013)
September
El Topo (1970)
God Save The Girl (2014)
Lets Scare Jessica to Death (1971)
Red State (2011)
1990 Bronx Warriors (1984)
Midnight Meat Train (2008)
Lego Movie (2014)
God Loves Uganda (2013)
Satan’s Little Helper (2004)
Hardware (1990)
Citizen Koch (2013)
OCTOBER
This is where I Leave You (2014)
Argento’s Dracula 3D (2012)
Maltese Falcon (1941)
Nightmares (1980)
Shivers (1975)
The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976)
Grosse Pointe Blank (1997)
Dinosaur Island (1994)
District 13 (2004)
Exorcist (1973)
Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)
Ghost Ship (2004)
Fright Night (2011)
Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985)
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1920)

NOVEMBER
Birdman (2014)
Warriors of the Wasteland (New Barbarians) (1982)
Double Indemnity (1944)
Life After Beth (2014)
Mystery of the 13th Guest (1944)
Chelsea Peretti: One of the Great Ones (2014)
Breeders (1997)
The Quiet Ones (2014)
The Double (2013)
Winter’s Bone (2010)
The Beguiled (1971)
Inner Demons (2014)
Willow Creek (2013)
Burt’s Buzz (2013)
Maniac (2012)
DECEMBER
Night Breed (1990)
Battle Beyond the Stars (1980)
Babadook (2014)
Phase IV (1974)
Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
When a Stranger Calls (1979)
Timestalkers (1987)
Devil Commands (1941)
Faust: Love of the Damned (2000)
Apollo 18 (2011)
Imitation Game (2014)
Blood Beach (1980)
Corridor of Blood (1958)
Isle of the Dead (1948)

hammertime

MOVIES WATCHED 2013

January

Legend of Hell House (1973)

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985)

The Orphanage (2007)

Le Notti del terrore (Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror) (The Zombie Dead) (1981)

Night of the Demons (1988)

Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie (2012)

Godzilla V. Megalon (1973)

February

When Hell Broke Loose (1958)

The Pirates A Band of Misfits (2012)

MARCH

Expendables II (2012)

Cabin in the Woods (2011)

Legend of Boggy Creek (1972)

Who Can Kill A Child (1976)

Tourist Trap (1979)

Oz Great and Powerful (2013)

APRIL

Batman Year One (2011)

Lawless (2012)

Seven Psychopaths (2012)

Last Horror Film (1982)

Death Walks At Midnight (1972)

Justified seasons 1 – 3

Sherlock Seasons 1 and 2 (2012)

Silent House (2011)

Skyfall (2012)

MAY

Iron Man 3  (2013)

Looper (2012)

Taste the Blood of Dracula (1970)

I Dismember Mama (Poor Albert and Little Annie) (1972)

Logan’s Run (1976)

Dracula The Dirty Old Man (1969)

JUNE

Devil’s Rain (1975)

Chernobyl Diaries (2012)

Troll Hunter (2010)

Flesh and Blood Show (1972)

JULY

Long Goodbye (1973)

Lucifera Demon lover (1972)

Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)

The Mighty Boosh Complete Series

The  Conjuring (2013)

The Hanging Woman a/k/a Terror of the Living Dead (1969)

Bunny and the Bull (2008)

AUGUST

Brainscan (1994)

Red Queen Kills 7 Times (1972)

Don’t Look In The Basement (1973)

My Amityville Horror (2012)

Secret World of Arrietty (2010)

God Forgives, I Don’t (1967)

Banana Time

Banana Time

The last of Hammer’s Mummy films feels less and less like a Mummy movie the more I think about it.  Not that I am thinking about it too much, really.

Based on Bram Stoker’s novel Jewel of the Seven Stars, this movie involves not so much of a mummy’s ancient curse, as it does the tired old Modernist/Spiritualist Experiment to bring down the floating, ancient One.  That star child who has traveled centuries to usher in a time of new morality, that “beyond good and evil” gobbedlygook.  Its a bit of a muddled mess, those reasons, but as an engine for the action it is as good as any.  At least we are spared the undying love hoopla of most Mummy Tales.

The fact that the Mummy, in this case, is a perfectly perserved priestess, undermines the whole Mummyness…But the fact that the ancient priestess is played by a nearly nude Valerie Leon, I suppose we can, erm, overlook this?

The whole plot revolves around reincarnation.  Leon plays a woman who died at birth but was brought back to life by this Mummy Spirit.  How the stars have all aligned, like they were when Princess Mummy was alive, and there is something about four tomb objects that need to be collected from the various members of the expedition that uncovered the ancient tomb in modern times.

There is something, also, about a chopped off hand, a big red ring, and screaming that causes car crashes.  Oh which reminds me, Leon’s boyfriend’s name is Tod Browning.  Henyh.

The procurement of these tomb talisman makes for the bulk of the gore and horror.  Standard fare, really, petrified old archeologists attacked by invisible cats, shadow snakes, and laughing hyenas.  All their deaths presaged by howling, blustery winds and darkened sky thunder claps.  There is the straight jacketed loony tune, a dithering professor type with a young buxom secretary, the freaky psychic, and the long over-coated cane carrier, who slicks his hair back with greasy evil.

At the center of all this is Valerie Leon, usually tossing and turning with bad dreams, her lacy nightie heaving.  Or there is Valerie Leon running through the underbrush in a wispy nightgown, her basooombas bouncing in the slow motion trot.  Or there is Valerie Leon emerging from the shadows to stare with her icy cold eyes at some doomed old person.

Why she needs to show up is sort of a mystery, since she is never there for the throat gouging kills, nor does she retrieve the talisman to take it back to the basement tomb.  Its strange and somewhat mysterious, actually.

Not now, I am busy.

Still the movie was great fun to watch, in part, because Leon is by turn wooden and engaging.  The camera likes her, but does not love her, so there is a slight awkwardness to each scene.  It is as if she got all the action ques a few seconds after all the other actors.

The ending is a nice visual joke which I think purposefully pokes fun at the lack of the traditional mummy in this mummy flick. Overall, good show.

Starlight Hotel. Roberta Collins briefly checks in.

EATEN ALIVE is a totally mean-spirited movie from Tobe Hooper. It is mean to hooers, little dogs, children, teenagers, Crocodiles, the mentally ill, and most of all Judds.

Stylistically, it is a masterpiece of closed sets and flooded lighting. The soundtrack is a barrage of mumbling hums and bug gurgles, and muted screaming. Not to mention the screeching country and western music (sadistically composed by Hooper and Wayne Bell) annoying piped in from the constantly playing radio. The duo collaborated on the a similar auditory assault for TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE.

Every single character in this one is some how tweaking on something and the whole movie simply sweats! Neville Brand, as hotelier Judd, is a monstrous masterpiece of literal scene chewing.  He slouches, he freaks, he pulls it together on the edge of the couch all with a subtle muttering chaos.  Brand’s performance is so good that it should place this creep in the pantheon of famous backwoods jerks.

Plus, we get the tripping balls performance of William Finley who’s fraternal freakout is one of the ickiest moments in the flick.  But if you do not want to slog through the whole 90 minutes, just youtube the bits with Miss Hattie, played by Carolyn Jones – the Addams Family’s Morticia – looking disturbingly saggy in a latex mask.

And this is not even mentioning the buff swagger of Robert Englund who’s butt sex obsessed Buck is like a template on which Matthew McConaughey built a career!

the story is simple enough and the rationale is completely nonexistent, which only plays into the insanity of the action.  The young child in danger provides some real 1970s emotional weight to the otherwise bonkers randomness of the violence.  It is enough to understand that Judd has himself a crocodile.  And that crocodile is always hungry.  Sprinkle with a sickle and leisure suits and you got yourself an excuse to have a madman bursting through doorways and swinging manically at young nubile girls.

In short, Brilliant.

Janurary

Tucker and Dale V. Evil (2011)

Repo Chick (2009)

Princess Mononoke (1999)

The Lost Continent (1968)

Mark of the Devil (1970)

Blood Tea & Red String (2006)

Hesher (2010)

To The Devil…A Daughter (1976)

Beware My Brethren (the Fiend) (1971)

Grave of the Vampire (1974)

Countess Dracula (1971)

Vampire Lovers (1970)

Sherlock (2009)

The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires (1974)

Blood and Lace (1971)

Devil the elevator movie (2010)

FEBUARY

Plague of Zombies (1966)

The Witches (1966)

50/50 (2011)

The Reptile (1966)

Daughters of Satan (1972)

Night Creatures a/k/a Capt. Klegg (1962)

Humanoids from the Deep a/k/a Monster (1980)

The Evil of Frankenstein (1964)

Brides of Dracula (1960)

Road to Perdition (2002)

Curse of the Werewolf (1961)

Godzilla V. Mothra (1964)

At the Earth’s Core (1976)

MARCH

The Curse of Frankenstein (1957)

The Revenge of Frankenstein (1958)

Frankenstein Created Woman (19

Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed (1969)

Frankenstein and the Monster from Hell (1974)

The Wizard of OZ (1934)

The Raid: Redemption (2012)

APIRL

Frankenstein’s Castle of Freaks (1973)

Terror of Frankenstein (1975)

Gorgon (1964)

Scream of Fear (1961)

Captain Kronos Vampire Hunter (1974)

MAY

The Avengers (2012)

Iron Man (2008)

Adventures of Tintin (2011) Most of it.

Martha Marcy Mae Marlene (2011)

Tropic Thunder (2008)

Iron Man 2 (2010)

JUNE

Moon Rise Kingdom (2012)

Young Adult (2011)

The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave (1971)

Daughters of Darkness (1971)

Horror of Dracula (1958)

Hell Night (1981)

Dracula Has Risen From The Grave (1968)

Count Dracula (1970)

SPASMO (1974)

Ah, Umberto Lenzi. What a terrible mess you have made of this movie. Or maybe it is not your fault. But most likely it was your fault, since you want to take credit for rewriting the story. Not to mention inventing the whole giallo genre.

Wake Up Barbara

Actually, SPASMO is a great idea. A cross between a surrealist reworking of LET’S SCARE JESSICA TO DEATH and a weird mediation on the unstable world of a serial killer.

SPASMO’s world is one where the characters have a tenuous grasp on reality and the film gleefully plays on that with disjointed conversations and off kilter staging. Plus there is the weird inclusion of the quick shots of variously posed mannequins, but more on that in a moment.

SPASMO centers on a hammy playboy named Christian, a typical tight-suited unbuttoned smooth chested skinny; the type of European pretty boy who skids along these giallos, failing and sometimes saving the day. Overplayed by Robert Hoffman, Christian is possibly tormented, possibly suggestible stooge. Does he have a dark secret or is he a victim of a loony conspiracy? Seems both, actually.

In one of the films defining moments, Christian who might have just picked up a prostitute named Barbara, earnestly played through sweaty makeup by Suzy Kendall (To Sir with Love & Argento’s Girl With the Crystal Plumage). She has a demanding pimp/boyfriend who lounges on the side of the frame projecting greasy threatening threats.

But it is Barbara who is the real threat. She demands that before they make it together, Christian must shave off his beard. He does so with little protest, which could be read several ways. The most obvious is that Christian has been unmasked. He turns the corner, stripped of his protective mask, he enters a maze of psychological disruption. Nothing is what it seems and he is nakedly unprotected.

Beardlessness might, also, set the viewer up for a bait and switch. A MacGuffin, of sorts, where Christian is being set up to look like someone he is not. Possibly a twin? Or another sort of doppelganger? Both are the sorts of absolute left turn twists offered by these giallos. Of course, it should come a no surprise that Christian isn’t what he looks like. He IS a sick serial killer, not the gently confused hero of some sinister plot.

Mannequins in the Woods

The only other effective aspect of SPASMO is the quick cuts to the disrobed and anatomically correct mannequins. Elaborately staged like violent crime scenes, the few times actual people discover the life sized dolls, the make out lovers or the gardeners, these people are shocked then confused. These quick shots befuddle the viewer, as well. They might be disconnected hallucinations of an off screen killer. They might be stand in dislocations for actual crime scenes, actual murders seen as grotesque objet d’art, posed as the disturbed killer sees them? They seem to be cast as key pieces in the film’s psychological puzzle.

Of course, there are other hints at a better movie that might have been filmed. The unfamiliar familiarity of the old man and his provocative red haired companion who materialize out of the night only to know more than they possibly could know. There is the windy scenery of the tower, under lit and creepy. There is the nefarious bother lurking in a well to do office taking phone calls. Then there is that stupid home movie.

I must say something about that home movie. In the film’s pivotal confrontation between the brothers, a scene that should reveal the psychological impetus of the horror, the film totally fumbles the ball. The home movie, showing two little boys ominously staring at the camera, close up of mental institution needles and equipment, and a somber birthday party , all play laughably incoherent. Nothing is revealed.

In fact, the film and confrontation is so ineffective, the movie needs to explain itself in a phone message. Much like the doctor’s speech at the end of PSYCHO, this message explains the whole movie in a few brief sentences. Stupidly as well.

SPASMO tries to be innovative and introduce some subtly into the over the top violent gore of the giallo. BUT. It fails. The failure is mainly built into the structure of the narrative. In order to strip the genre of its tent poles, Lenzi casts aside all suspense or coherency of danger. Since we are never shown that murders have actually be committed, the fact that they have been comes as an “oh okay” moment. The fact that there are no police bumbling around, removes the audience’s only guide through the off screen action. Etc.

Had Lenzi been a better writer or maybe had a better cinematic vocabulary, SPASMO might have proved to be an effectively strange film of psychological horror. As it exists, it is a bit of a strange mess.